My Big Question

What are the boundaries of love and sacrifice, and where does one draw the line between them?

The question of love and sacrifice intrigues me because I have always thought of unconditional love being a sacrificial love. Unconditional love endures many hardships, fights, obstacles, addictions, illnesses, and hurtful realities. I find that many people who are in love stay in a harmful relationship because they have unconditional love for that person. I never really know whether that person truly has unconditional love for their partner or if they are in the relationship because they choose to settle and believe they have no where else to go, so they use unconditional love as their excuse for never leaving. My parents and my best friends' parents fight and I'm not sure if they love each other like they did when they started out as young married couples, before having children. They have stayed in these relationships whether it be convenience, fear of a life without their partner, or true unconditional love. I know it is inevitable for fights to occur in a relationship, in fact every healthy relationship has conflict in it, but when does the fighting turn from being healthy to detrimental? In relationships I believe it is essential for there to be sacrifices for it to work, but the sacrifices need to be balanced- both partners need to give and take. When the sacrifices are only one-sided, the relationship has turned into only one person loving the other person unconditionally. The person who is only taking, not giving is taking advantage of their spouse and therefore has no love for their partner, not even basic love.

I am in a relationship for the first time in my life and I am in love with him. It is strange to most people to think that I could be in love with someone I have only dated for a few months, but I think there are different stages to love. There is a friendship love, one between friends that each one would do anything for another and they will be friends for the rest of their lives. There is also the love a mother has for their child or the love a sister has for her brother, the unconditional love your family has for you that makes you feel your right at home with them when you are not physically. Then there is young love, love in the first stage: where you say the four-lettered word and you feel butterflies in your stomach when you see them, but you are afraid of falling too fast. Then there is the type of love when you know the person so well, you can finish their sentences and you would do anything for them. There is the matured love, where you know your in love with the person, but you don't always feel the need to tell them because you feel it. The matured love accepts the person you love for who they are and you do not just deal with their faults but you actually like their little quirks.

I think the ability to put someone before his or her own needs determines whether or not a person is capable of loving another being. If he or she is able to get past the petty arguments and surrender in order to get past the insignificant details, then any relationship is possible. I am the type of person that rarely wins arguments. My preparation for confrontation always comes up too short: I cannot accurately predict what the other person will say in response to my points and my come back is never quick enough. Through my different types of relationships I have learned that it is better to lose the arguments and get along because too much time is wasted when you refuse to talk to someone because you are angry. My sister, Mary, is the queen of arguments but it is not because she has the best comebacks nor does she have the greatest points, but it is because she always plays devil's advocate and allows you to see the other person's point of view. That, to me is more valuable, to look inside of yourself instead of noticing other people's faults or holding a grudge for the wrongs they have done against you.

Forgiveness sums up the balance between love and sacrifice. When you are willing to forgive people for their imperfections or actions, you have allowed them into your heart.